A Bah Humbug Kind of Grief
Stories from Behind the Mask
A bah humbug kind of grief It has been a strange year. We have all been tested and stressed beyond what many of us have ever imagined. This year as Christmas approached I found myself feeling in a bah humbug kind of way. To the point where I didn’t want to decorate, buy gifts, or even listen to Christmas music. That was what woke me up that something wasn’t right. The music. I LOVE music. My mood is always reflected in my music. In past years I would not want to decorate or shop, but I always listened to the music. Usually starting the weekend before thanksgiving when my husband wasn’t around 😉. As the kids continued to push to get a tree and decorate I dug my heals in and didn’t want to. But when you’re a parent lots of times what you want to do and what you actually do are complete opposites. As we decorated the tree I felt this wave of emotion,🖤 (not the good kind) come over me. I tried to internalize my feelings and tried to figure out what it was that was bothering me. Then a familiarity of this feeling washed over me like a tsunami. The last time I felt like this was the first Christmas after my father passed away. So this was grief. That’s what I was feeling. The grief of a lost year. A year with a lot of stress and no partying. Missed school concerts, open houses, play dates, and trips. Missed activities and gatherings. Here we stand at the grand finale of another year. I’m supposed to be stressed about how I’m going to get shopping done in between the Christmas concerts, class parties, our farm Christmas party and cookie making. Instead I’m grieving the loss of these activities and stressed about going out in public and trying to remote school my kids on top of everything. The thing about grief though is it is different for each person. Some choose to ignore it and carry on, some get severely depressed, others lash out in anger and so on. It can take many forms and that’s ok. So if you aren’t feeling yourself this Christmas season it’s ok. You are not alone and We will get through this.